It’s been a while since I have written or done most anything that feels like a bit of a creative release. Namely because I have a toddler who despite my best efforts has been skipping out on naps and because I have been dealing with the exhaustion of pregnancy with twins!! It has been a struggle to get food cooked while not being able to eat and I just couldn’t find the energy to literally get off the floor. As I sneak a few moments to breath a little creative and imaginative life back into myself I am beginning to think that I can do this. This pregnancy, this writing, this mothering, this managing of a household, and this keeping myself together.
My husband and I were shocked to find out we were pregnant with our third child. I crossed off half the phrase “make appointment with OB for birth control” and was left with “make appointment with OB”. Still in utter shock and surprise I didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant, which is a radical departure from my talkative, over sharing self. As the weeks went on I finally made the appointment dumbfounded to hear myself say “I need to make a first time appointment because I’m pregnant.” As more time passed and my aversions, lack of appetite, and nausea became more than the annoyance of my other two pregnancies and what felt completely unsustainable, I said “If this is going to last for 9 more months I don’t know what I’ll do!!” My husband reminded me it would get better and he was sure I was just under the weather. Instead it got worse and instead of the occasional “I think this is twins” I said a few days before our scheduled ultrasound “I’m completely convinced it’s twins!!” So in that dark room with my 2 year old touching everything in an OB’s office, my one year old waking up from her nap in the car seat we lugged in, and my husband standing beside me, an image of two bean like sacs with two bean like babies floating inside appeared, I said as more of an accusation than statement “I TOLD YOU IT WAS TWINS!!”.
My husband, the deep thinker of the family stared at the screen with little more than “is is is that TWO? Twins? Twins?” and not much else for the next two hours.
We left and decided to get a cup of coffee and talk about it. Coffee was next to Deny’s and I took advantage of my shell shocked husband and the twin pregnancy and we went instead to Deny’s where I ate the first good meal since the positive pregnancy test: a hamburger at 9 AM. We laughed, looked at the pictures, imagined the judgement from the older crowd as we had a happily screaming one year old and a two year old jumping on the seat with ultrasound pictures on the table. I began to plan: “We need a new car, they wont fit in our SUV, I guess I’m not going back to work after all!” My husband mostly said “Twins! wow! Twins!” And then we both laughed at the ridiculousness of it.