My Ten year old self is Still at my Core

I heard an older lady say “The things I enjoyed with I was 10 are pretty much the same as they are today” and that is when I realized it’s the same for me. I think it is also the same for most people. I loved nature, I obsessed about going camping and practiced sleeping on my back so I could be comfortable sleeping on the hard dirt (I now have an ultra plush, uber lightweight mattress), I loved to read and write, I dreamed of travel and wanted to go to Africa (I’ve been twice now as well as 20 other countries) I loved watching things grow and started my own garden, loved being active and spirituality was very important to me.

Fast forward 20 years and they are all central to who I am. For some it’s taken years to realize how important they are to me and others have waxed and waned but I have always known they were important. It was really when I bought my first house and had a garden that wasn’t on rental property that I realized how important it is to me. I look forward to each day as I plan the seeds to plant, the fruit trees to care for or area to prepare for the strawberry plants. I have a memory of feverishly hoeing the Bermuda grass when I was around 10, digging up a small square in a rental house during the rain and starting a compost in the city in a rental duplex. I Realized it’s been following me every where I went. It’s true with my other passions as well.

I am 33 and now better know who I am, and that that won’t change too dramatically with time, or with different people in my life. I now know to nurture those core values and water my soul with allowing my own expression. I don’t shy away from my passions even though I sometimes want to. I find others who have the same passion so its easier to follow mine. I try and wake up early for a quiet time, I carve out time to exercise, and I take my small children with me into the garden and into nature. Never before have I poured so much into the things I love and never before has so much been taken from me emotionally and mentally with a two year old and an 8 month old. Constant emotional and physical needs are so taxing and with very little sleep it has been more important now more than ever before to pour into my passions.

Now when I hike I walk painfully slow so I can get outside with a two year old walking and me carrying an 8 month old.

Now I pause every 10 minutes when I garden to help with whichever crisis my two year old has gotten into

Now I snow board in turns with my husband as we watch little kids in the lodge

Now I skip sleep for a quiet time earlier and earlier

Now I travel with a mountain of gear instead of one backpack.

Now I am busier than every, sleepier than every, have less time than ever and happier than ever.

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